Saturday, December 4, 2010

Editing and Deleting 4

It's been a while, so I thought I'd drop in another deleted scene.  This was one of my original opening chapters and takes place even before the deleted prologue I shared in Editing and Deleting and Editing and Deleting 2.  My main character's birth mother has just learned that she's pregnant.  Problem is that she's a prostitute and a baby bulge isn't good for business.  So she looks into an abortion.  However, the main character actually talks her out of it.

The intent here was to show in an early chapter some of the main character's extraterrestrial abilities.  His bio-dad's people are conscious in the womb and quickly develop a telepathic link with the mothers.  Initially it's just instinctual, but it grows.   This part is a very short section of the scene.

Hopefully, once I look through my archived chapters/deletions, I'll find a section where the birth mother (on the run) finally figures out her baby (still in first trimester) is talking to her telepathically.  Needless to say she freaks out a bit.

Legacy Soldier:  Deleted Scene 1

Candice entered the Hilton suite Steve had reserved and threw her bag across the room in frustration.  No results until tomorrow, she thought recalling what the doctor said about her blood test.  She did not blame the doctor.  It was not his fault the health center did not have lab facilities to test her blood. 
She took off her traveling wig, a long-blond wig she used to conceal her identity in hotel lobbies, and sunglasses.  Then, she toured the suite and found a hot tub in the bathroom, just as she had hoped.  Steve would probably not arrive for almost an hour, so she decided to relax in the tub before changing her clothes. 
As the tub filled, Candice lit some scented candles.  As she sat in the warm water, the vanilla sugar scent filled the room.  Relaxing in the caressing water, she closed her eyes and thought about the possible pregnancy.
What’s to think about?  There’s no way I can keep it.  I have to schedule an abortion.  I certainly can’t earn a living with a basketball-sized stomach.  Guys into that are usually into other weird shit.  Looking at her stomach and breasts, she chuckled.  Of course, some would appreciate what it will do for my tits.
She reached for the phone, moved near the tub earlier, but something kept her from dialing.  She knew it was the only practical decision, but she felt reluctant.
Dammit, this is no time to develop a conscious.  She picked up the phone and began to dial.
No, please.
“Who said that?” Candice said, fumbling with the phone, almost dropping it into the water.  She stood and looked around for a moment.
“Is anybody there?”  she asked wrapping herself in a towel.  She received no reply.  “Steve, if this is a joke, it isn’t funny.”  Still no reply.  Candice thought for a moment and realized that she would have heard the door open and close if Steve had arrive.
Keep it together girl, she thought.  She decided scheduling an abortion might just add stress that she did not need just before Steve arrived and that there was time to deal with the pregnancy later.  So she dressed and watched television until Steve arrived. 
At , she heard a knock at the door, just as she finished re-staging the bathroom.  She assumed it was Steve, walked to the door, and looked through the peephole to confirm his identity.  At first, she was not certain it was Steve.  He usually kept his hair colored medium brown, but this person had more gray.  Then she remembered commenting to him that gray hair made men look more distinguished and decided he took that as a recommendation.
“Why didn’t you just let yourself in,” she asked.  “The room’s in your name.”
Steve stepped through the door carrying a paper bag and lightly kissed her on the cheek as he passed her leaving the scent of freshly applied Old Spice behind.  When Candice closed the door, he turned and handed her the contents of the bag.
“LeCral Winery.” she said.  “You’ve been bringing this around a lot lately.”
“It’s a local winery that I invested in a few months ago.  It’s operated by a man named Krandel LeCral,” Steve explained removing his brown sport coat. 
The smile slowly drained from Candice’s face, “His name sounds familiar.”
“It’s not an easy name to forget.  You may recall that I referred you to him for…services about a month ago.”
“That’s right.  I remember him now.”
“Fondly he hopes.  In fact, he was hoping to get in touch with you again.  I know you prefer to communicate through email accounts that you set up, so I brought his business card.  You can contact him at your convenience.”
Candice looked at the card.  Steve was correct about the email, but she had only setup free email accounts to communicate with regular clients.  The first time she accepted a referral from a client, it felt weird, like a guy loaning his car to a friend.  After a while, she found it was the best way to find reputable clients, but discussing one client with another still felt odd. 
She thought for a moment about her meeting with Krandel LeCral.  He was easy on the eyes.  Physically fit with just a touch of gray in his dark brown hair, but his eyes seemed to hide something.  Of course they did, she thought.  How many people are completely open with a prostitute, especially on their first encounter?  As she thought about her sexual experience with him, she had a strange feeling.  For a moment, she wondered if the feeling was nausea, but she was not sure.
“Are you all right?”
Steve’s voice regained her attention, “Yes, I’m fine.  If you see him, tell him I’ll be in touch soon.”  Being caught daydreaming about someone else is a great way to lose a regular client, she mentally scolded herself.
“Good,” he replied opening the wine bottle.  “Your last message mentioned something special.  I can’t wait.”
Candice went to the cabinet above the bar and retrieved two wine glasses.  As Steve poured the wine, she slowly walked towards the bath using her more seductive gait, undressing as she progressed.  As expected, Steve followed the short trail of clothing.  Candice watched as his eyes moved from the dress on the bathroom floor to the tub where she had already lowered herself.  He set the wine glasses down and began to unbutton his shirt when she playfully pointed with her foot, “Why don’t you light those candles first.”


  1. It's a good excerpt. I may have said this before, but it's an interesting premise for a novel.